Overcoming the Paralysis of Expectations
The following has also been recorded as a podcast for those of you who are auditory learners. You can click HERE to listen.
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Striving for a better life is an innate part of the human condition. Self-betterment is ingrained in the depths of our psyche from the moment we are able to self-actualize.
And this is good - for the most part. Striving to be better nudges us to take more calculated risks, and inevitably creates a higher standard of living over time.
Striving to improve includes setting goals and developing a plan of action to take us to the promised land.
However, as we set goals, we set expectations of ourselves, and not only that - our goals are often based on society’s expectations of us and what is deemed acceptable in the zeitgeist. This is where the waters begin to muddy a bit.
The invitation is to separate your own desires and expectations of yourself from the expectations of the mainstream if you authentically disagree with the lifestyle you are being peddled.
The truth is, we’re all playing a role. Life is one big play, and we are the actors.
But the question is - who’s writing your script? Who is pulling the strings? If you’re allowing someone outside of yourself to write your life’s script (the trend setters), do you find it to be in alignment with your true north?
sourced from pinterest
You were born with free will, but sometimes this is forgotten. At any moment, you can choose to change the narrative of your life’s movie. You are the director, actor, and writer of your movie.
When we forget our own free will, we end up in scenes (scenarios) that feel draining instead of empowering. To awaken is to return to the source of your power.. to that creative consciousness that has always been alive (but perhaps not activated) within you.
To reclaim your power and sit confidently in the director’s chair of your life is to cultivate a happy existence.
When I say ‘happy’ I don’t mean it’s all rainbows and butterflies all the time. That would be boring, right? And happiness would lose all meaning…
I equate happiness with satisfaction. Do you feel proud of yourself at the end of the day? Are you building something that ignites purpose within you? Are you fulfilled?
So, as you read this, pause for a moment to reflect on where you are living out the expectations of society that you don’t authentically agree with. And begin to make a plan to turn that around.
I’ll give you a closing example:
Recently, I had a wave of shame come over me.. I felt like a failure because the expectations I thought I had to live up to to be a valuable person hadn’t panned out like I thought they should.
I thought - wow, I should be a lot busier.. I’ve been relaxing too much and taking it too easy. * I was moving through the societal programming that busyness = worthiness and intrinsic value.
The shame moved through me for a few minutes before I recalled a beautiful prompt from Byron Katie. I’ll play it out for you:
Name the issue: “I feel like a failure”
Is it true?: “Actually… no. In fact, I’ve made more money this year than ever before. I am in better health than I was last year. I am surrounded by people I adore. I’m traveling to my favorite places and cities at any given time. My spiritual practices are excelling. Hm!”
Is it really really true? “Wow.. it’s really not true at all. Because, my authentic idea of success looks like tons of free time to explore and relax! Success looks nothing like working hours and hours a day. Actually - to me, success looks more like a 10 hour work week. And I’m actually ‘working’ a lot more than I think because work feels so much like play!”
How do I feel when I think the limiting thought? “I feel deeply sad.. and depressed…”
What is the outcome of thinking that thought? “I want to hide from the world when I feel like a failure and I actually become stagnant and even more saddened and I don’t share my gifts… I disappear in many ways.”
Phew !! So my friends, please do try that exercise from above to alchemize any limiting belief or expectation that is holding you back from your highest potential.
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